The Radical Inclusivity of Suffering & Resistance in Nondual Therapy

A misunderstanding that is common through the gradual recognition of and deepening into the nondual nature of experience is the assumption that upon recognising True Nature or the Self, all patterns will magically disappear, and we will cease seeking, suffering, or experiencing emotional turbulence. We may believe that we’ll be blissful all the time, innocently assuming that happiness is the absence of apparently positive or negative emotions, happenings, or circumstances. Indeed. The recognition of and settling into nonduality is more through seeing that happiness, or the happiness to which this exploration points, is that which independent yet simultaneously embracing of, all cirumstances, happenings, and emotional diversity of life's natural flux.

It’s important to address this misconception because, while it sounds comforting, it is not the case - and this belief can maintain spiritual seeking and the sense of resistance, largely through the mechanism of doubt. When the reality doesn’t match the expectation- when patterns continue to arise, when we still feel human emotions, when suffering and seeking persist- it can leave us feeling confusion, shame, and ‘more broken'. What's more - the natural curiosity that provides the best conditions for experiential inquiry is arrested, or contracted further through an experience of being caught in endless loops of expectation and disappointment. 

We may believe we’re doing something wrong or that we are in some sense ‘unchosen’. We can feel a deep sense of rejection from life’s beauty and simplicity - "If I’ve seen through the illusion of the self, why is life still so challenging?"

This is a deeply human question. And it’s important to acknowledge that while there is a universal truth in nonduality- that there is nothing to seek, nothing broken, and nothing to heal- the path to fully embodying this truth is far more intricate than a singular moment of insight. It’s an unfolding process that takes place through our humanity, through the embodiment of presence, as we navigate the experience of being this aliveness. It is not the freedom from suffering - but the recognition of the self as the freedom within all suffering. It is a totally different kind of freedom - one that can't be fathomed conceptually, but intimately seen directly.

We’re fortunate in this age that direct pointers to Truth are readily available. We no longer need to make pilgrimages to distant Gurus or retreat centers. Today, you can access teachings and pointing-out instructions through YouTube videos, online courses, and Zoom meetings. This democratisation of spiritual knowledge is wonderful, and yet, there’s a misunderstanding that has emerged alongside this ease of access: the misunderstanding that just because we recognise True Nature, we should immediately experience the end of our suffering and the disappearance of our personal patterns.

But this is not the case. In fact, there is an essential process of integration that takes place after this recognition - an unfolding of the self through our lived, embodied experience. What actually takes place for the majority of us is that upon initial insights there is an opening and revealing of all of our repressed struggles. This is life’s offering forth of deep seeing. It is compassion in action – and this compassion moves with both softness and ferocity. Recognising and embodying our true nature is the deepest most fundamental unfolding for the human and this requires authenticity and reverence.

To be clear, the essence of who we are does not change, but the expression of that essence through our humanity does. The patterns of the bodymind, the psychological and emotional structures we've developed, still need to be addressed. They need to be held, seen, and integrated. This process doesn’t happen by force; it unfolds in a natural movement through presence -an embodiment of being, a compassionate attunement to what arises.

If we ignore our human needs, if we bypass the psychological and emotional wounds that have shaped us, then we risk perpetuating a cycle of seeking. The recognition of the seamless nature of experience doesn’t erase our human experience. There may be thoughts suggesting, “I’ve recognised that I am not the self, so I should be beyond suffering by now." But life, in its fullness, is its own demand to be with what arises as the flow of experience - no matter what. The nondual recognition doesn't get us out of this - it is through this that we recognise that there is nowhere else to go.

The experience of suffering is not a failure of our recognition - it’s a part of the ongoing process of integration - or more accurately - being the life that we simply are. It is a direct expression of our humanness AND simultaneously life's isness. And if we are to live the truth of who we are, we must meet suffering, not as something to be gotten rid of, but as something to be deeply and authentically experienced.

So, if you are struggling, or if you feel like you haven’t "arrived" at some perfect state of bliss or peace, I invite you to ask a different question: rather than wondering if you should do something to fix this, inquire into what life is already doing. Be curious. Inquire into what is arising in the moment. And instead of trying to force yourself into a state of non-suffering or bliss, see if you can rest in the mystery of not knowing, holding the apparent conflict between the need for healing and the understanding that nothing is broken.

This apparent conflict - this tension between "nothing to do" and "there is a need for healing"- is not a conflict at all. It’s an expression of insight coming through the sense of separation. It’s a movement toward deeper wisdom and understanding. One of the key qualities of life and of our true nature is the ability to hold opposites simultaneously.

When we rest in this paradox from a place of not knowing, when we cease trying to resolve it or fix it through thought and strategy (attempting to improve ourselves and our life) we invite a deeper insight. This insight comes not as a solution that the mind can grasp, but as an embodiment of those opposites reconciled in the fabric of our being. It is not something to "do" in the sense of fixing or achieving something. It is a way of being with life exactly as it is - authentically, fully, with compassion for both the moments of peace and the moments of turmoil.

One of the most crucial movements in the integration process is to hold the opposites with tenderness. To recognise both the need for change and the need for acceptance of what is. In our human experience, there will be moments of deep longing for transformation, and at the same time, there will be moments of peaceful acceptance of exactly where we are. If we can sit with this apparent conflict, without rushing to resolve it or change it, we will invite a deeper intelligence to emerge.

This intelligence is not intellectual; it is the intelligence of life itself, and it is revealed through an authentic, compassionate relationship with our experience. It is the medicine for our struggle, and it is the key to deepening our embodiment of truth. The beauty of this process is that it includes everything - there is no need to negate or reject any experience of ourselves. Every experience, whether pleasant or painful, is a portal of self-revealing power -  of the unfolding of self - the dance of presence.

Embrace the fullness of your human experience with compassion and navigate through deep curiosity the need to self source and the need for support when you’re  struggling or feel called to work in partnership. Don’t rush to fix what arises, don’t shame yourself for still feeling struggles. This exploration is deep, the deepest. Instead, be present with your experience. Hold struggle with curiosity and compassion. Recognise that in the very holding of opposites- in the recognition of both the need for change and the need for acceptance -you invite a deeper knowing to arise. This knowing is not a mental concept; it is an embodied truth that allows you to live from a place of wholeness, not in spite of your humanity, but through it.

Rest in the unknowing, with love and acceptance for all that you are.